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<![CDATA[Blog]]> https://carmenlea.ca/blog/ EN Tue, 14 Jul 2026 14:23:00 +0000 Incomedia WebSite X5 Evo <![CDATA[The Five-Minute Gift How Five Minutes of Kindness Can Change Lives Small Acts. Big Impact. A Love Letter to the Helpers.]]> imblog

The Five-Minute Gift

How Five Minutes of Kindness Can Change Lives

Small Acts. Big Impact. A Love Letter to the Helpers.

Dear Helper,

Can I ask you a question?

Do you like helping people?

I'm willing to bet your answer is yes.

Most of us do.

We hold doors open for strangers.

We smile at someone who's having a rough day.

We help carry groceries.

We donate when we can.

We check in on a friend.

Those little moments of kindness matter more than we often realize.

But what if I told you there was another way to help people?

One that costs absolutely nothing.

One that takes less than five minutes.

One that could help a local business, an author, an artist, a musician, a charity, or someone chasing a lifelong dream.

No, I'm not asking you to climb a mountain.

I'm not asking you to run a marathon.

And don't worry, I'm definitely not asking you to dance on TikTok. We all have our limits.

I'm talking about something much simpler.

I'm talking about taking a moment to let someone know they made a difference.

I think we've forgotten how powerful our words can be.

We're busy.

We scroll.

We laugh at a funny video.

We enjoy a great meal.

We finish an incredible book.

We receive amazing customer service.

We see beautiful artwork.

Then we move on with our day.

But what if we paused for just five minutes before we kept scrolling?

What if we told someone what we were already thinking?

"I loved this."

"Thank you."

"You made my day."

"This helped me."

Those few words might seem small to you.

To the person receiving them, they can mean everything.

Every business, every creator, every author, every entrepreneur, every musician, every nonprofit organization is built by people.

Real people.

People who took a chance.

People who stayed up late working on an idea they believed in.

People who questioned themselves.

People who worried no one would care.

People who hoped someone would notice.

Building something from nothing takes courage.

Sharing it with the world takes even more.

Sometimes all they're looking for is a little encouragement to keep going.

I think we underestimate how much encouragement matters.

One thoughtful comment.

One recommendation.

One review.

One share.

One conversation with a friend.

These tiny acts create something much bigger than we can see.

I know what some of you are thinking.

"Carmen, it's just a comment."

Is it?

Imagine spending three years writing a book.

Or opening your dream coffee shop after risking everything you own.

Or finally launching your small business after months of planning.

Or painting your first collection of artwork.

Or recording your first album.

Would it still be "just a comment"?

Or would it be someone saying...

"I saw what you created."

"I appreciate your work."

"Keep going."

I know which one I'd choose.

Here's something else we've gotten backwards.

We've been taught to think engagement is about algorithms.

It isn't.

It's about people.

In the marketing world, we have a name for all of these little actions.

We call it engagement.

Honestly, I think we've been explaining it all wrong.

People hear the word engagement and immediately think of Facebook, Instagram, Google or Amazon.

I think engagement is simply another word for participation.

It's choosing not to scroll past someone else's effort.

It's choosing to become part of their story.

Let's start with something simple.

A comment.

You type six words.

“This is amazing, give it a try!”

That took you maybe eight seconds.

To you, it was almost nothing.

To the person who spent six months creating that project, it may have been exactly what they needed to hear that day.

Comments also start conversations.

Conversations help communities grow.

Communities help businesses survive.

Businesses employ people.

People support other businesses.

That tiny comment creates a ripple you may never see.

Now let's talk about sharing.

Sharing isn't saying, "Look at me."

Sharing says something much more powerful.

"I think someone else would enjoy this too."

That's trust.

And trust has always been one of the most valuable gifts we can give another person.

Long before social media existed, we asked each other the same questions.

Do you know a good mechanic?

Can you recommend a plumber?

Where should we eat?

Have you read any good books lately?

Recommendations have always built communities.

Technology just gave us a faster way to make them.

Google Reviews deserve their own conversation because they do something extraordinary.

Imagine owning a small café.

You unlock the doors every morning hoping enough people walk through them.

You don't have a million-dollar advertising budget.

You have good coffee.

Good food.

A hardworking team.

And hope.

Someone leaves an honest Google Review.

Another family discovers your café.

A couple chooses it for their anniversary.

Friends meet there after work.

A student finds a quiet place to study.

A customer becomes a regular.

One review helped create all of those moments.

That's pretty incredible when you think about it.

Now I'd like to speak directly to my fellow readers.

If you've ever read one of my books, thank you.

Whether it was Unshattered, Bloom Through the Cracks, Wreckage to Radiance, one of my Would You Rather? books, or one of my marketing books, thank you for spending your time with me.

Time is one of the greatest gifts we can give another person.

As authors, we spend months and sometimes years writing something we'll probably never stop editing in our heads.

We wonder if a chapter made sense.

We wonder if someone laughed where we hoped they would.

We wonder if a story helped.

We wonder if our words mattered.

Authors are curious people.

We're always wondering what happened after someone closed the last page.

That's why book reviews are one of the greatest gifts a reader can give.

Not because we have big egos.

Most writers actually have the opposite problem.

We quietly wonder if we're good enough.

A review answers that question.

Book reviews do three beautiful things.

First, they give authors feedback.

We genuinely want to hear from our readers.

Did the book inspire you?

Did it make you think differently?

Did it make you laugh?

Did it make you cry?

Did it help you through a difficult season?

Reading those stories reminds us why we started writing in the first place.

Second, reviews help books become more visible.

When readers leave honest reviews, retailers like Amazon recognize that people are reading and engaging with the book.

That can help more readers discover it.

It's not about tricking an algorithm.

It's about helping a worthwhile book reach the people who need it most.

Third, and this may be the most important reason of all, your review helps another reader.

Think about the last time you bought a book online.

Did you read the reviews?

Most of us do.

Your words might be exactly what gives someone else the confidence to pick up a book that encourages them, teaches them, comforts them, or changes the way they see the world.

That's a beautiful circle.

An author writes.

A reader reads.

A reader shares their experience.

Another reader discovers the book.

Another life is touched.

All because someone took five minutes.

The same thing happens every single day with businesses.

One recommendation leads to one new customer.

One customer tells a friend.

That friend tells another friend.

One conversation becomes ten.

That's called word of mouth.

It's still the most powerful form of marketing in the world because it comes from someone we trust.

No flashy advertisement can compete with a friend saying,

"You have to try this place."

Or,

"You need to read this book."

Or,

"This business treated me so well."

Those words carry weight because they're genuine.

I believe we're living in a time when encouragement is needed more than ever.

People are working hard.

Starting businesses.

Writing books.

Creating art.

Building nonprofits.

Launching podcasts.

Opening restaurants.

Creating products.

Sharing their hearts with complete strangers.

Imagine if we all became just a little more intentional about encouraging one another.

Imagine what our communities would look like.

Imagine how many dreams would survive simply because someone took five minutes to say,

"I believe in what you're doing."

That's the kind of community I want to live in.

One where we celebrate each other.

One where we cheer for each other.

One where kindness spreads just as quickly as complaints.

Here's my challenge for you.

Not because you have to.

Because you can.

This week, give someone the Five-Minute Gift.

Comment on a post that made you smile.

Leave a Google Review for a business that treated you well.

Review a book that stayed with you long after you turned the last page.

Share a local business you genuinely love.

Recommend an artist.

Tell a musician you enjoyed their work.

Encourage a creator who made your day a little brighter.

You don't have to do all of them.

Just pick one.

You may never know whose day you changed.

You may never know which small business welcomed a new customer because of your recommendation.

You may never know which author found the courage to write another chapter because your review reminded them their words mattered.

You may never know who discovered the perfect book, café, artist, or service because you took a few moments to share your experience.

That's the beautiful thing about kindness.

It doesn't need applause.

It simply keeps moving from one person to the next.

So the next time you see a new post...

Finish a wonderful book...

Enjoy an incredible meal...

Receive exceptional service...

Hear a talented musician...

Meet an inspiring entrepreneur...

Or discover a creator who made your day just a little brighter...

Don't just think,

"That was nice."

Tell them.

Leave the comment.

Write the review.

Share the post.

Recommend the business.

Celebrate the person behind the dream.

Because your words might be the greatest gift you give that day.

And the best part?

It won't cost you a single penny.

Just five minutes.

Now that's a gift worth giving.

With gratitude,

Carmen Lea ❤

]]> Tue, 14 Jul 2026 14:23:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?the-five-minute-gift-how-five-minutes-of-kindness-can-change-lives-small-acts--big-impact--a-love-letter-to-the-helpers- https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/000000016 <![CDATA[Stop Guessing. Start Selling. Why I Wrote This Book (and Why You Might Need It)]]> imblog

Stop Guessing. Start Selling.

Or: Why “Just Post More” Is Terrible Advice

Let me guess.

You’re posting on social media.
You’ve tried ads.
You’ve sponsored something.
You’ve boosted a post out of pure frustration.

And yet… sales are still inconsistent, confusing, or suspiciously quiet.

But everyone keeps telling you,
“Just be consistent.”
“Just post more.”
“Just try this platform.”

Cool. Helpful. Love that for you.

Here’s the problem.
Most small business owners aren’t failing at marketing.

They’re just guessing.

The Thing No One Explains Clearly Enough

Over the years, I’ve watched really smart, capable people do marketing completely backward.

Not because they’re lazy.
Not because they don’t care.
But because no one ever explained the difference between:

a marketing strategy
a marketing plan
and advertising

So people jump straight to advertising.
Or content.
Or “being everywhere.”

That’s like buying gas before you know where you’re driving.
Sure, the car’s running.
You’re just… circling the block.

Why You’re Exhausted (And It’s Not You)

When you don’t have a strategy, everything feels heavy.

You post because “they say you should.”
You try fifteen platforms “just in case.”
You send emails, flyers, texts, ads, promotions, sponsorships…
And then you stare at your phone wondering why nothing is converting.

Marketing without strategy doesn’t build momentum.
It builds burnout.

And when people are tired and confused, they do two things:

Discount
Panic

Neither is a growth strategy.

This Is Why I Wrote Stop Guessing. Start Selling.

I didn’t want to write a 240-page marketing book that made people feel like they needed a marketing degree and a nap.

I wanted something clear.
Practical.
And honest.

This book is about doing marketing in the right order.

Strategy first.
Then the plan.
Then advertising.

Once you understand that order, marketing gets lighter. Decisions get easier. And you stop chasing customers like it’s a cardio workout you didn’t sign up for.

There’s even a one-page marketing strategy worksheet, because clarity shouldn’t take six months or seventeen tabs open on your laptop.

Surprise: This Is Also a Mindset Book (A Little)

Here’s the part no one warns you about.

Marketing confusion messes with your confidence.

When you don’t know why something isn’t working, you start assuming it’s you. You hesitate. You second-guess. You overthink every post.

That’s not a skill problem.
That’s a clarity problem.

And clarity changes how you show up. In business and in your own head.

This book marks a new chapter for me, too. Alongside my writing, I’m stepping more fully into marketing and mindset coaching, because the two are deeply connected.

You don’t need louder marketing.
You need clearer thinking.

If You’re Reading This and Laughing Uncomfortably…

This book is for you if:

your marketing “should be working” but isn’t
you’re busy everywhere and converting nowhere
you’re tired of guessing and hoping
you want customers to find you instead of chasing them

Marketing shouldn’t feel like trial and error.
It shouldn’t drain your energy or your bank account.

Clarity attracts.
Confusion repels.

Stop Guessing. Start Selling. is about choosing clarity.

And no, you do not need to dance on TikTok to make that happen.

Want to Go Deeper?

If this post hit a nerve (or made you laugh-uncomfortably), you’re not alone.

If you want help building clarity around your marketing, messaging, or strategy, you can reach out to me directly. I offer 1:1 marketing and mindset coaching, and I also speak to business groups, teams, and communities who are tired of guessing and ready for things to actually make sense.

Have questions?
Send them.
Wondering if your marketing is backward? Probably. Let’s check.

You can email me anytime at carmen@carmenlea.ca.

And if you have thoughts, questions, or “oh wow that’s me” moments, drop them in the comments or review section below. I read them. I reply. And sometimes your questions turn into my next blog post.

Clarity is contagious. Let’s spread it.

]]> Thu, 18 Dec 2025 08:51:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?stop-guessing--start-selling https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/000000015 <![CDATA[Disarming Bullies, Mean Girls & Keyboard Warriors: How to Be Unbothered in a World That Thrives on Drama]]> imblog

Disarming Bullies, Mean Girls & Keyboard Warriors: How to Be Unbothered in a World That Thrives on Drama

You Can’t Fix Broken People, But You Can Shine So Bright It Makes Them Blink

© 2025 Carmen Lea. All rights reserved.
Written by Carmen Lea author, speaker, and transformational life coach.

You ever meet someone so mean you start wondering who unplugged their soul this morning?
They roll their eyes, throw shade, and act like spreading misery is a side hustle. They never have anything positive to say but seem to get joy form tearing others apart?

Whether it’s the office gossip, that one relative who thinks Facebook is a weapon,

The faceless internet trolls that attack people’s posts in the comment section,

or the mean-girl mom squad at school drop-off some people just live for drama.

But here’s the thing:
You don’t have to play their game.
You can win without ever swinging.
All you need is a Jedi-level superpower called kindness.

Because when you love yourself, or live from within, insults bounce off like Nerf darts.
Their opinions don’t pay rent in your head anymore.

Some People Wake Up and Choose Drama

Some people wake up and choose violence.
Others wake up and choose coffee.
And then there are the truly evolved ones who wake up, choose coffee, and still manage to be jerks before 9 a.m.

Whether they’re bullies, mean girls, or keyboard warriors hiding behind Wi-Fi and unresolved trauma, they all want the same thing: your reaction.

And the best way to ruin their day?
Don’t give them one.

You Can’t Fix Broken People (But You Can Freak Them Out With Kindness)

You can’t argue someone into being kind.
You can’t logic them into liking you.
But you can make them blink twice in confusion when you smile and say,
“Hey, I hope you have a great day.”

That’s a Jedi mind trick for the soul.

When you respond with calm, genuine kindness, you disarm cruelty.
It’s like psychological judo, you let their negativity swing and miss.
You don’t lower yourself to their level; you raise the bar so high they can’t even see it.

America’s Next Top Bully

You know the type.
They act like they’re auditioning for America’s Next Top Bully.
They can’t scroll past in peace they have to comment, correct, or complain.
They suck the joy out of a room faster than a bad karaoke singer.

But the truth is their cruelty isn’t about you.
It’s about what’s cracked inside of them.

And your best move isn’t to fight back it’s to freak them out with kindness.

The Real Rulebook for Staying Unbothered

Do: Keep your voice neutral. Keep your head high. Walk away if you need to.
Don’t: Retaliate with insults, overshare, or try to “fix” the bully. You can’t control them.
If it’s serious: Physical or persistent bullying needs adult or professional intervention. Don’t suffer in silence. Getting help isn’t weak it’s smart.

Why They Do It (and Why You Don’t Have To)

Here’s the secret no one teaches you in school:
People who feel good about themselves don’t tear others down.
They don’t have the time or the need.

When someone’s trying to make you feel small, they’re showing you the size of their pain.
They just don’t know what to do with it, so they throw it at whoever’s closest.

You don’t have to catch it.
You don’t have to carry their junk or wear their words.

Because what they say about you isn’t about you, it’s about them.
Remember that, Validation come from within and if someone is throwing shade at you? They are just projecting their own pain that is why you throw a little kindness back it disarms them rather quickly. .

If someone doesn’t like you, your hair, your outfit, your energy, your success so what?
You can’t control the thoughts, feelings, or opinions of others.
And you don’t have to explain, defend, or justify yourself to anyone.

You do not owe the world a PowerPoint presentation on why you’re allowed to exist.

Kill Them With Kindness The Real Kind

Let’s be clear:
Killing them with kindness doesn’t mean fake smiles or snarky compliments.
It’s not, “Nice shirt,” when you mean “Nice try.”

It’s real kindness.
The kind that’s calm, confident, and untouchable.

You can acknowledge their words without owning them.
You can respond with grace without losing your edge.

Here’s why it works:
Kindness confuses people who expect chaos.
It forces them to sit in their own discomfort while you stay centered in your peace.

That’s power.

True Story: Mean Girls Don’t Age Out

I’m over fifty.
And would you believe there are still mean girls in my circle?
They’ve just swapped lockers for wine glasses.

There’s this clique, you know the type the head tilts, the whispers, and the side-eye.

They don’t include me in their events They love to watch my socials, copy my moves, try to steal my thunder, and they often talk about me but they never talk to me.
Apparently, I missed the memo that it’s still junior high.

But you know what?
I still smile. I compliment them. I genuinely wish them well.
Because it’s their loss.
I’m freaking awesome.

I can’t control them but I can control me.
And that’s the ultimate glow-up.

The Judgment Trap: No One Wins That Game

Here’s the part no one likes to admit we’ve all been on both sides.
We’ve been the judged, and, at some point, the judger.

Sometimes we call it “observing,” “just saying,” or “trying to help.”
But judgment wears many disguises and none of them look good under fluorescent lighting.

We compare, criticize, categorize.
We look at someone else’s choices and think, “Well, I’d never…”
But you don’t know their story.
You don’t know their scars.
And until you’ve walked in their shoes, you don’t get to tell them how to tie their laces.

Judgment doesn’t make us better it makes us smaller.
And comparison? That’s just self-judgment in fancy shoes.
You can’t build confidence by tearing other people down even in your head.

Kindness means stepping back and saying,
“I don’t know what’s going on in their heart, but I’m going to wish them peace anyway.”

Because the truth is:
The second you stop judging others, your own life feels lighter.
And when you stop judging yourself, it becomes radiant.

So next time you feel that little itch to compare or criticize,
pause, breathe, and remember
you’re not here to measure up; you’re here to show up.

The Takeaway

Train your brain to turn negatives into positives automatically.
Someone’s rude? It’s a free lesson in self-control.
Someone mocks you? It’s a chance to practice grace.
Someone tries to dim your light? Congrats you’re shining bright enough to bother them.

You can’t fix broken people.
But you can love yourself enough to stay whole.
And when you do that, kindness stops being weakness it becomes a super power!

You’re not here to fit in.
You’re here to stand out unbothered, unstoppable, and unshakably kind.

So go out there and confuse a few bullies with your peace.
Smile at the grumpy ones. Compliment the haters.
And keep shining until they need sunglasses.

Because in a world that thrives on drama
being kind, calm, and unbothered is the ultimate rebellion.

Quick Scripts for Jedi-Level Calm

Here’s how to handle those moments when someone takes a shot at you without losing your cool:

Teased about shoes: “Thanks for that. Hey, I like your jacket.”
Mocked about your hair: “I hear you thanks for the feedback. Your haircut’s bold, I like it.”
Called names: “Okay. Thanks for sharing your opinion. Nice sneakers, by the way.”
Made fun of your clothes: “Thanks. I actually like this and that watch of yours is slick.”
Body-shamed: “I’m learning to be kinder to myself. Hope your day gets better.”
Personal jabs: “Wow. That was personal. Thanks anyway. Your smile looks great today.”
Rumors or gossip: “Thanks for the heads-up. I’m not joining in. You look really put together.”
Group mocking: “I get why you’re laughing. I’m going to go do something that makes me happy enjoy.”
Humiliation attempt: “I hear you. Thanks. By the way, your presentation was solid.”
Passive-aggressive digs: “Appreciate the honesty. Hope that works out for you.”

Each one flips the script.
You don’t absorb their poison, you hand them confusion on a silver platter.
That’s not weakness that’s emotional mastery.

Final Thought

Don’t dim yourself to make others comfortable.
Don’t explain yourself to people committed to misunderstanding you.
And don’t ever apologize for shining.

Because your peace?
That’s sacred.
Protect it like your Wi-Fi password.

Before You Go Let’s Keep the Kindness Going

If this post hit a nerve (or healed one), you’ll love my book:

Unshattered, From Wreckage to Radiance
It’s not just my story it’s a mirror for yours.
Readers have said it made them cry, laugh, heal, and buy extra copies for their best friends.
Grab a copy, pour a coffee, and get ready to meet the strongest version of yourself — the one who already lives inside you.

After you read, come back and leave a comment or review right here on the blog.
I actually read them and sometimes cry over them, but like, in a good way.

And if you’re ready to go deeper to stop people-pleasing, start boundary-setting, and finally live from within
I’m now offering one-on-one transformational life coaching sessions.
Real talk. Real breakthroughs. Real you.

Want to chat? Email me at carmen@carmenlea.ca or use the contact page on this website.
I’ll help you rediscover your self-worth, rebuild your mindset, and start living your life unapologetically.

And keep an eye out for my upcoming YouTube channel
Real Talk with Carmen Lea launching soon!
Because this conversation is just getting started, and trust me it’s going to get loud, raw, and wildly empowering.

Until then, remember this:
Self-love first. Kindness always. Live from within.
That’s how you take your power back and keep it.

]]> Wed, 12 Nov 2025 08:34:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?disarming-bullies,-mean-girls---keyboard-warriors--how-to-be-unbothered-in-a-world-that-thrives-on-drama https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/000000014 <![CDATA[Parenting ADHD, ODD, and Everything in Between: Two Kids, Too Many Letters, and Not Enough Wine]]> imblog

Parenting ADHD, ODD, and Everything in Between: Two Kids, Too Many Letters, and Not Enough Wine

You know that look another mom gives you when your kid melts down in public? The one that says, “If that were my child…”
Yeah. If that were her child, she’d be crying in her car with a cold coffee and mascara on her chin just like us.

So, pour yourself a glass of wine, friend. Or coffee. Or whatever’s keeping you upright today. This isn’t a lecture it’s two moms sitting at a sticky kitchen table at 10 p.m., talking about how parenting kids with extra letters after their names can feel like boot camp for the soul.

ADHD. NLD. ADD. ODD. SPD. A delicious bowl of alphabet soup that sounds more like government departments than the tiny humans who wrecked your body, your living room, and your emotional bandwidth.

Somewhere between the tantrums, the teacher emails, and your well-meaning aunt’s unsolicited “Have you tried essential oils?” you start to wonder if maybe it is your fault.

Let me stop you right there.

You did not cause this.
Not the prenatal coffee, not the one dairy binge, not the Paw Patrol marathons, not that single candy bribe at the grocery store.

If blame were an Olympic sport, the medical questionnaire would win gold. The thing practically asks if you’ve ever sighed too loudly while pregnant.

The Diagnostic Ritual (a.k.a. The Questionable Quiz)

You want science? They want checkmarks.
That’s how we decide whether “likes to run” is a personality or a pathology by circling boxes under “During pregnancy…” like we’re filing a tax return for emotions.

No blood work. No scans. Just a form that makes you feel like you failed a test you didn’t know you were taking.

Then comes the parade of judgement.
“There’s something wrong with her,” they say.
Translation: “I don’t understand her, so I’ll blame you.”

Thank you, Karen. Your unsolicited expertise is, as always, wildly unhelpful.

The Chaos Chronicles: Or, “Is This Normal?”

Grab your wine you’re going to need it.

At Grandpa’s house one Christmas, someone said, “We need a knife to open this.”
My four-year-old, ever the problem-solver, marched into the kitchen, grabbed a steak knife, and returned triumphantly. The whole room gasped like she’d pulled a chainsaw on Santa. She wasn’t being dangerous she was helping. But apparently, holding it like Chucky was… “Alarming.”

Then there was the chocolate milk Picasso incident.
I answered the phone for three minutes. Three. When I came back, the living room looked like a crime scene sponsored by Nesquik. Every wall, the TV, the couch Jackson Pollock, if he were four and unsupervised.

And the sleepless years? Forget it. For two straight years, my youngest refused to sleep in a bed. Couch? Fine. My chest? Preferred. But put her in a crib and you’d think she was being exorcised. Every expert said, “Let her cry it out.”
Okay, but how long before it becomes a war crime?

Then there’s the time my daughter turned a café into a milk-based art show. She was blowing bubbles with her straw, which escalated into flinging milk at everyone. I picked her up football style and carried her screaming out the door.
Cue random woman yelling, “I would have spanked that child!”
I smiled and said, “And you’d be the first to call child services.”

Because here’s the truth: you can’t spank the alphabet out of a kid.

The Parenting Class I Didn’t Want But Needed

At one point, I ended up in counselling. Exhausted. Defeated. Probably one tantrum away from moving to another planet.
The counsellor listened and said, “You need parenting classes.”

Excuse me?
I thought she meant how to sterilize bottles and sing lullabies not how to survive emotional warfare.

Turns out, the class was called “Taming the Dragon.”
Spoiler: the dragon was me.

That’s where I learned the most important thing my kids weren’t bad. They just didn’t know how to identify their feelings. Everything came out as a tantrum because they didn’t have the words.

So we started teaching emotions like vocabulary: happy, sad, bored, angry, hungry.
It didn’t stop the chaos overnight, but at least I knew what language we were speaking. Sometimes progress sounds like “MOM I’M HANGRY!” and honestly, that’s a win.

The Greatest Hits of “You Can’t Make This Up”

Having kids with alphabet diagnoses means your life is basically a blooper reel.

Mine were sensitive to everything. Tags in shirts felt like barbed wire, socks were acts of violence, and fluorescent lights were pure evil. They’d wear one shirt until it disintegrated off their body stains, holes, and all.

Food? Don’t get me started. Texture-sensitive doesn’t even begin to cover it.
At one point, my daughter would only eat McDonald’s nuggets. The daycare tried to get fancy and made homemade mac and cheese. She refused to eat it. The sitter told her she had to.
She looked her dead in the eye, dumped the bowl upside down, and said, “I can’t. It’s on the floor.”

And then there was Costco. She saw a man in a wheelchair and said, “I wish I had one so I wouldn’t have to walk so much.”
Same, kid. Same.

Alphabet kids miss social cues entirely. One day she pointed at a stranger and yelled, “Mommy, why does that man have a mark on his face?” It was a birthmark. I wanted to vanish. She wanted answers.

And my older daughter? Kicked out of Girl Guides.
A girl was self-conscious about her weight, and my daughter channelling me said, “Don’t worry, fat floats! You’ll never die of hypothermia!”
Apparently, Girl Guides do not appreciate buoyancy-based reassurance.

Why These Moments Don’t Mean You Failed

If any of this sounds familiar, breathe. You’re not raising a bad kid you’re raising a kid whose brain runs a different operating system.

Tantrums aren’t rebellion. They’re emotion without vocabulary.
Meltdowns aren’t manipulation. They’re overload.
Odd behaviour isn’t defiance. It’s wiring.

They’re not broken and neither are you.

And when a teacher threatens to quit or a relative whispers, “There’s something wrong with her,” remind yourself:
You know your child better than anyone. You’re not just parenting you’re decoding.

A Quick Word About Meds

The fear is real that medication will turn your kid into a zombie.
But sometimes, the right one can give them a little peace, a little focus, a little sleep.
The point isn’t pro-meds or anti-meds it’s informed choice. The system often wants the easiest fix, but you’re allowed to say, “Hold on, maybe we try understanding first.”

A Love Note from One Tired Mom to Another

This isn’t about perfect parenting. It’s about compassion for your kid and for yourself.

Your job isn’t to fix them.
It’s to understand them.

You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need to keep showing up. Laugh when you can, cry when you must, and don’t let society make you feel like you’re failing.

Because you’re not.

You’re raising a human who experiences the world differently.
You’re advocating, translating, surviving, and loving in a world that doesn’t make space for difference and that, my friend, is heroic.

So the next time someone suggests it’s your fault, smile, sip your coffee (or wine), and remember:
You are teaching a human to exist in a world that wasn’t built with them in mind.

You’re doing fine. You’re more than fine.
And stay tuned, because next time, we’ll talk about how to survive the alphabet jungle without losing your mind or your favourite pair of scissors for cutting out clothing tags.

There’s no manual for parenting alphabet kids but I wrote the next best thing The Alphabet Jungle

A Real Mom’s Survival Guide to Parenting ADHD, ODD & Everything in Between by Carmen Lea is my love letter to moms doing their best with caffeine, courage, and the occasional meltdown (ours, not theirs). Coming soon subscribe for notifications or watch for updates!

(Please leave a review tell me your thoughts)

]]> Tue, 07 Oct 2025 21:09:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?parenting-adhd,-odd,-and-everything-in-between--two-kids,-too-many-letters,-and-not-enough-wine https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/000000012 <![CDATA[What Depression Really Feels Like (And Why You’re Not Weak for Feeling It)]]> imblog

Depression isn’t just sadness. It’s not “having a bad day” or “feeling off.” It’s something far darker, heavier, and quieter. It’s a fog that creeps into your bones and whispers lies until you forget what sunlight feels like.

It’s walking through your life with your feet still moving while your soul feels like it’s drowning. You smile so no one worries, laugh at jokes so no one suspects, and say “I’m fine” so you don’t have to explain the ache that never seems to leave. You become fluent in the language of pretending.

People say it’s “all in your head.” But depression doesn’t live in just one place. It presses into your chest like cement. It rots your stomach with guilt and anxiety. It freezes your spine with fear and exhaustion. It’s physical. Bone-deep. Soul-deep.

It steals everything in stages your strength, your appetite, your joy, your memory of what joy even feels like. And when you finally look in the mirror, you barely recognize the person staring back.

You try everything therapy, journaling, yoga, breathing apps, affirmations. You drink the tea, take the pills, light the candles, read the books. You keep showing up, doing the “right things.” And still, sometimes, it hurts. That doesn’t make you weak. That makes you human.

Because depression is not a lack of effort. It’s not a character flaw. It’s an illness real, brutal, and exhausting. You can’t “snap out of it” any more than you can will away cancer or a broken leg. You heal from it slowly, painfully, bravely.

And if you’re reading this if you are still here that is strength beyond measure. You are not broken. You are not alone. You are not your pain.

There will be days when the light feels impossible to find. But even then, somewhere beneath the ache, your spirit is still whispering, Keep breathing. That whisper is defiance. It’s survival. It’s proof that even in your darkest moments, something inside you refuses to give up.

So today, if all you can do is breathe just breathe.
Because surviving this?
That’s the bravest thing you’ll ever do.

(“If these words resonate, my book dives even deeper into healing from the wreckage”)

Unshattered From Wreckage to Radiance one poem at at a time – Carmen Lea

Fickle Bitch

Depression is a fickle bitch.

She whispers sweet nothings,
then slits your soul open with silence.

You think you’re fine.

You wear the mask.
Paint on the smile.
Go through the motions.

“Look how well she’s doing,” they say.

No one knows what festers behind the facade.

Inside, a black ache blooms.

A voice not yours,
but one that never leaves it
echoes in your skull, a siren song to the end.

End the pain. End the pain.

Life is a loop, a film on repeat.

You smile. You function.
You show up.
You lie. But then,

WHAM!

Like a sucker punch to the soul.

Like the sky dropped a thousand-pound scream
on your chest. Out of nowhere, without warning.

And the tears?

Not poetic. Not graceful.

The ugly cry.
Snot-dripping,
guttural sobbing,
knees buckled on the cold tile,
begging:

“Please. Let me go.

Free me. I can’t.
Take it anymore.”

It hurts.

Too much.

Every molecule of your being

is on fire, and frozen.
You can’t breathe.

You want to sleep

and never wake up.

You try.

God, you try.

Happy music.
Cold shower.

The mirror pep talk.

“Gratitude, remember gratitude.”

But your brain is a broken compass,

spinning in the dark.
There is no North.
Only pain.
So much pain.

And then someone says,

“Just let it go.” And you want to punch them
dead in the throat.

If letting go were an option,

you’d have done it by now.

You’d scream it, if you had the strength:

“You think I want to feel this way?”

But you don’t scream.

You don’t even flinch.
You nod. You smile.
You shrink.

Because depression doesn't need a reason.

She just shows up. Uninvited. Unapologetic.

Crushing you with a sledgehammer
of despair.

And to the world?

You look fine.
Better, even.

Things are “going well.”

You're “getting there.”

But inside,

Depression says: Nope.
No joy for you today.
No light. No relief.

Only weight.

Only ache.
Only silence
louder than a bomb.

You feel so alone.

So terribly,
terribly alone.

And that's what she wants.

Depression is a fickle bitch.

She loves you just enough

to keep you alive. But is just cruel enough

to make you wish you weren’t.

]]> Tue, 07 Oct 2025 12:05:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?what-depression-really-feels-like--and-why-you-re-not-weak-for-feeling-it- https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/000000010 <![CDATA[Freedom: The Kind They Can’t Take From You]]> imblog

Freedom: The Kind They Can’t Take From You

Here’s the thing about freedom: it’s not in your bank account, your relationship status, or your shiny little social media highlight reel. Freedom is what happens when you genuinely stop giving a damn about what other people think of you.

Not in that fake “I don’t care” way (while secretly losing sleep over someone’s comment). I’m talking about when you FEEL it in your bones that validation doesn’t come from outside. Not from likes. Not from gossip. Not even from applause. It comes from within.

That, my friend, is Freedom.

Guilt? Made-Up Crap.

Let’s clear up one lie society feeds you: guilt. It’s not some universal law. It’s a made-up emotion designed to keep you small, apologizing, and exhausted.

Here’s the truth: you cannot control the thoughts, feelings, actions, or opinions of other people. If crap is flying at you, it’s not your crap. It’s theirs. They’re just projecting, and you don’t have to wear it. No sir.

Now if someone’s giving you love? If they’re singing your praises, telling you you’re radiant, that your work matters? Take it. Accept it. Thank them. Bask in it. Wear it and share it. Just don’t twist yourself into a pretzel trying to earn it. That’s the difference.

Kindness > Revenge

I get it. The world’s mean sometimes. People come at you sideways on Facebook or, hell, even to your face. You know what I love to do? Spew kindness at mean people. It’s shocking. Confuses the hell out of them. And guess what? It feels a whole lot better than violence.

Revenge, retaliation, hate? That’s just giving your power away. That’s like handing them the keys to your energy and saying, “Here, go ahead and drain me.” No thanks.

Smile. Thank them for their opinion. Compliment their shoes, their hair, their dog. Flip it. Watch their face break. Watch your energy rise.

The Secret Sauce: Thoughts Become Things

Here’s the philosophy that runs my life: thoughts become things. Every damn thing.

The crap storm you’re in right now? Someone else has it worse. And even in your darkest hour, something better is lining itself up. Sometimes the “better” is hidden inside a lesson you didn’t want but needed. Sometimes it’s the universe whispering: change direction.

Freedom is choosing to believe it. Freedom is refusing to live in the spin cycle of negativity. Freedom is saying: I choose peace. I choose kindness. I choose me.

Live From Within

That’s my lesson to the universe, right there. Live from within.

When you do?

Bullies lose their targets.
Guilt evaporates.
Boundaries feel natural instead of scary.
And life? It gets lighter.

So go ahead: shock the haters with kindness. Reject the guilt trip. Love yourself without apology. And let the world shift around you while you stand tall, laughing at the chaos.

Because the day you stop begging to be picked and finally pick yourself? That’s the day you’re free.

Mic drop. Blog done.

-Carmen Lea Author of Unshattered

]]> Thu, 18 Sep 2025 05:56:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?freedom--the-kind-they-can-t-take-from-you https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/00000000D <![CDATA[What Is Self-Love? (Hint: It’s Not Bubble Baths and Hashtags)]]> imblog

What Is Self-Love? (Hint: It’s Not Bubble Baths and Hashtags)

Let’s set the record straight.

Self-love isn’t selfish. It isn’t conceit. And it sure as hell isn’t confidence wrapped in a bow. You can love yourself and still lack confidence. You can strut into a room dripping with confidence and still secretly hate yourself. Both can exist, because we’re all works in progress.

But here’s the thing: self-love is vital. It’s the foundation of healing. It’s the bedrock of freedom. Without it, you’ll always bend to guilt, always crumble under bullies, always shrink when you should rise. With it? You build unshakable boundaries, silence the noise, and finally realize you were never broken to begin with just buried under layers of other people’s crap.

This journey? It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about coming home to who you’ve always been. That, my friend, is what self-love is all about.

Self-Love: The Revolution No One Can Sell You

Marketers will tell you self-love is a $200 spa day, a fancy candle, or the perfect Instagram filter. Nah. That’s consumerism dressed in lavender.

Real self-love? It’s raw. It’s radical. It’s rebellious.

It’s waking up, looking in the mirror, and not flinching. It’s seeing your stretch marks, your scars, your tired eyes, and still saying: “Damn, she’s doing her best.”

It’s choosing to hold your own hand through the mess instead of ripping yourself apart for not having it all together.

It’s when someone rolls their eyes, throws shade, or lobs a verbal grenade and you don’t bleed. Because you’ve built an inner shield called self-worth, and it cannot be touched.

Let’s Be Brutally Honest

Validation doesn’t come from likes, compliments, or approval. That’s fool’s gold.

True validation comes from within, and once you’ve got it, no one can strip it away.

Self-love means:

Your energy is no longer up for grabs.
The guilt you used to drown in? Evicted.

People-pleasing? Retired.

Shrinking, apologizing, second-guessing? Not on the payroll anymore.

You choose yourself first. Not out of arrogance, but out of sanity. Because if your cup is bone-dry, you’ve got nothing to pour for anyone else.

And if anyone tries to make you feel guilty for putting yourself first? Congratulations. You’ve just spotted someone who benefits from you being small.

What Happens When You Actually Love Yourself

The world shifts. Period.

You set boundaries without guilt.
You forgive yourself faster.
You choose peace over perfection.
You stop auditioning for love and finally realize: you picked yourself.
You lead with kindness, not because you need validation, but because you’re already full from within.

That’s the kind of love that transforms lives. Not just yours, but everyone you touch.

The Bottom Line

So no, self-love isn’t just wine nights and face masks. It’s not soft and fluffy. It’s a full-blown revolution.

It’s refusing to apologize for existing.
It’s standing tall in a world that profits from your self-doubt.
It’s choosing you today, tomorrow, and every damn day after.

And when you do? That’s when healing begins. That’s when freedom starts. That’s when bullies lose their power, because there are no cracks left to crawl into.

Self-love isn’t optional. It’s everything. And it starts now with you.

]]> Tue, 02 Sep 2025 03:27:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?what-is-self-love---hint--it-s-not-bubble-baths-and-hashtags- https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/00000000B <![CDATA[ADHD, ODD, and OMG Welcome to the Alphabet Jungle, Mama.]]> imblog

ADHD, ODD, and OMG Welcome to the Alphabet Jungle, Mama.

You’re running on caffeine and chaos. You’ve Googled “why won’t my baby stop crying” so many times your phone now auto-completes it. Every family dinner ends with someone whispering, “Maybe there’s something wrong.”

Congratulations, you’ve officially joined the alphabet club where your kid’s behaviours come with capital letters: ADHD, ODD, SPD, NLD, and a few you’ll have to Google while hiding in the bathroom. I call them the Alphabet disorders.

Here’s what nobody tells you: you didn’t cause this.
Not the prenatal Diet Coke. Not the Paw Patrol marathons. Not that one time you let them lick the grocery cart handle because you just didn’t have the energy to fight.

The truth? No one really knows. Maybe it’s genetics. Maybe it’s the forty-seven chemicals in apple juice. Maybe it’s just that your child’s brain runs on a different frequency and the world still hasn’t learned how to tune in.

When my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD and NLD, I could practically hear the judgemental soundtrack start up. My dad’s girlfriend compared her to the “normal” grandkids. Her Grade 3 teacher said, “If you don’t get her on medication, I’m not teaching her anymore.”

That’s when I discovered the high-tech diagnostic process: the Questionnaire.
No blood work, no scans—just a rating scale that asks things like “Does your child fidget?” and “Does your child forget things?” and boom, your kid’s got letters.

My second daughter collected her own set ADD, ODD, and acute anxiety. At that point I started calling it alphabet parenting. I don’t agree with half those labels, but society loves an easy fix: medicate the chaos so it behaves.

Let’s be honest. Raising an alphabet kid can feel like trying to download a file with dial-up internet you’re doing everything right, but the connection keeps dropping. They cry, you cry. They scream, you question every decision you’ve ever made. The other parents in the school pickup line look so put-together you start to wonder if you’re raising a demon.

And then come the helpful comments:
“You just need to be firmer.”
“She needs more discipline.”
“Have you tried cutting out red dye?”

Yes, Brenda, I’ve tried. I’ve also tried patience, prayer, caffeine, therapy, essential oils, and not losing my mind in public. None of it turns my kid into the one from the cereal commercial.

Here’s the part they never say loud enough: your child isn’t broken. They’re just wired differently. They feel big, love big, rage big. The tantrums? That’s not rebellion that’s emotion without vocabulary. The meltdowns? A brain on overload begging for calm, not correction.

And you, dear mom, are not failing.
You’re the translator between your child and a world built for straight lines. You’re advocating, adjusting, surviving on coffee and sheer love.

That’s not weakness. That’s heroism with a messy bun.

So when another “expert” or relative leans in with advice you didn’t ask for, just smile and think, you couldn’t last a day in my shoes. Because you know your child better than any checklist or Karen ever will.

There’s no blood test for love, no questionnaire for patience, no rating scale for resilience. But if there were? You’d ace it.

You’re doing fine.
Actually, you’re killing it.
Just maybe hide the red juice boxes.

“Next time, we’ll talk about how to survive the alphabet chaos without losing your mind or your sense of humour.”

There’s no manual for parenting alphabet kids but I wrote the next best thing.

The Alphabet Jungle A Real Mom’s Survival Guide to Parenting ADHD, ODD & Everything in Between

My love letter to moms, parents, caregivers doing their best with caffeine, courage, and the occasional meltdown (ours, not theirs).

Coming soon watch for it or subscribe for notifications ( leave a review tell me what your thoughts or questions)

]]> Fri, 15 Aug 2025 21:01:00 GMT https://carmenlea.ca/blog/?adhd,-odd,-and-omg--welcome-to-the-alphabet-jungle,-mama- https://carmenlea.ca/blog/rss/000000011